Just Go Outside - Mumma Spoonie

‘Just go outside’, she said. ‘It will make you feel better. Let the boys run some of their energy off. It will break your day up. Wear them out a bit, kill an hour‘. All of which I completely agree with. Fresh air, change of scenery, space. It absolutely would make me feel better, and break up my day. ‘Just go outside‘. If she hadn’t used the word ‘just‘, I probably wouldn’t have been so annoyed by this comment. The word ‘just‘ implies its an easy or menial task that can be undertaken/completed easily/quickly. Which it can be for anyone with no responsibilities, others to think about or a chronic condition.

This task, however, going outside, is not something that can be done easily, or quickly with two children under 8yrs old and a twelve week old baby! Just getting them to get shoes on can take anywhere from five to twenty minutes! It requires choosing the right shoe, ideally as a pair. Refusal of any help, which, ultimately leads to a full on tantrum once child realises they cannot get said shoe on without help. There’s the several requests to ‘try and go to the toilet’ before leaving the house, each time being met with the same response, ‘I’ve just been’ or ‘I don’t need a wee’. There’s the ten minute row over wearing a coat, as its the middle of January, -2°c and snowing before they will finally agree to wear the coat. Arguments over wearing hats, scarves, gloves, finding the other glove, hats that inevitably end up under the pushchair within ten minutes of walking.

Then there’s the baby who, after ensuring he is fed, changed, dressed in a ridiculously over sized, over priced snowsuit, placed in the pram, (that takes a degree to be able to understand how to put up), all tucked in with blankets, decides now, is the time to have a massive shit! Back out we get, take off the ridiculous over priced, over sized snow suit, and the mission to clean up a baby, who has just learnt kicking and grabbing things are really fun things to do, making the whole experience even more enjoyable, begins. Once all clean and back in pram, one final check the other two are ready to go, who have decided to start throwing the paratrooper down the stairs repeatedly whilst they wait cause, God forbid they can actually stand still and wait five minutes, and I can finally put my shoes and coat on. I open the door, position the pram just as one says, ‘mummy, I need a wee’.

Fifteen minutes later, everyone is ready to go out. We set off. This whole process has taken forty five minutes. But its all fine, we are going to have a lovely time at the park. The park is a five minute walk away. The boys are having a lovely run about. Two minutes on the swing. Down the slide twice. A quick whizz round the roundabout, before they both say they’re hungry/thirsty/it’s cold. We arrive home five minutes later. We were out of the house a whole fifteen minutes.

So, yes. It broke my day up. They burnt off some energy. It killed an hour. It also killed another little part of my soul and the fucking will to live. No doubt, at some point, I’ll ‘just’ go outside again tomorrow, but for now, I’ll ‘just’ get back to getting ‘just’ another snack. Watch ‘just‘ another episode of Power Rangers Ninja Steel. Prepare ‘just‘ another bottle. Change ‘just’ another nappy and pour ‘just’ another gin!!!